sleep

I don't much write about my 'personal life' here or anywhere else. I do have a paper journal that I occasionally will write in, and the stuff in there is intensely personal, but nobody reads that but me.

This is much more public. Even if there is a slight veil when I don't use my name frequently, and I have a common enough name that google can't find me, but it's still much, much more public.

For those of you who do know me, you'll know that I have children. Two daughters, in fact: one infant (4 months) and one toddler (2 years).

Right now, sleep is a problem in my house. No one is sleeping enough, but my wife and the infant are especially hard hit. I think I've got the genes that allow me to operate better on little to no sleep, but I may be deluding myself. I surely have been gaining weight despite not changing my eating patterns, which would lead me to believe that my body is effective at producing cortisol, which would explain the ability to stay awake, etc. But -- I'm overanalyzing again.

The gist is this: if you have the ability to sleep as much as you want - and I don't mean you fail to because you're out partying too much, or you stay up and work, or watch too many Battlestar Gallactica movies, or have to finish that 8 hour WoW raid - I mean that no one is forcing you to stay awake buy yourself - if you're in that enviable position.. cherish it.

I keep myself up more than I need to, even now. And I'm managing. I won't complain about lack of sleep because I could probably be sleeping at least an hour more than I do, but it's a precarious balance. I've always had problems sleeping. If I go to bed too early, I end up thinking about the day too much. I could be doing literally anything, even something stimulating, and if I go to bed late enough, I'll knock out quickly.

This is hell for my wife though. She's got no choice in the matter. She HAS to be up when she's up, and she goes to bed as early as she can most nights. It's wearing her down, and that's hard for me to see. I wish I could help more.

I love my family.

I would forsake everything in this world for them.

Now is a hard time for us. And I'm beginning to think that it's better to stay here than to move, whether it be to Atlanta or Reykjavik.